A journey in frustration and incompetence
Okay, for those that don't know me, here's a personal bit of information: my wife is an immigrant (or LONG term tourist as it were, since she hasn't attained permanent residence status, much less U.S. citizenship yet). We met while I was going to college in Korea, fell in love, waited 2 years for the opportunity to be "co-located" again, at which point I dragged her and all of her shit from Korea to the U.S., got married, and began the Citizenship and Immigration Services (formerly known as the INS) game.
We were married in October of 2003, officially submitted her request for change of status (from tourist to permanent resident) in December 2003. For those that don't know, the paperwork and actions required to accomplish this change in status is pretty intimidating. You have to have a physical examination done prior to the request, and there are about a dozen forms (supporting documents they like to call them), which require you to recall and disclose just about every fact about your life that you can recall. It seriously reminded me of filling out the forms for a security clearance. Anyway, that's a totally different rant, so on with the story. At this time, we also requested an Employment Authorization Card, to allow her to work until she receives her permanent residency (green card). We expect the paperwork to take months at this point, so we aren't overly hopeful about anything coming through quickly.
To our amazement, within a few weeks, we received notification to have her go to a local Support Center to have her fingerprints taken for her work permit. Even more amazing, her work permit arrived just a few weeks after that (by late January 2004). The work permit was good for 1 year. This brings all kinds of good things with it, like the ability to obtain a Social Security Number (which allows you to do things like open a bank account, etc.), as well as obtain a driver's license (at least in the State of Virginia). I know that some states have more lax requirements to get a driver's license, but you have to provide multiple pieces of evidence that you are a LEGAL resident in the state to get a license. So, once she got the work permit, the rest started to fall into place....a job, her own bank account, a driver's license, etc. So far, so good.
The only tricky part about the work permit is that it is only good for 1 (ONE) year. The driver's license is also only good as long as she can prove LEGAL residence, so it expires the same day as the work permit. Okay, no big deal we think. The paperwork seems to be going quickly (based on how fast we got the initial work permit), so we have high hopes that her green card will be granted by the end of 2004, before her work permit even expires.
Well, in September 2004, we get another notice requesting her to go and have her fingerprints taken. This time, it's for the green card application. This is a step forward in the process, but does not mean that the process is finished, or even near the end. Being practical, my wife asks if she can apply to have her work permit renewed, since she's there in the offices anyway. Keep in mind, her current work permit expires 31 Jan 2005. We are informed that you CANNOT, REPEAT CAN NOT apply for a work permit earlier than 90 days prior to its expiration. So, the earliest we can apply is 31 October 2004. We're about 45 days early at this point. Okay, no problem we think...hell, the first one was granted in like 45 days, so a renewal should be cake......Oh, how wrong we were.
So, 1 November 2004 rolls around, and we have no further news on the green card. It's time to re-apply for the work permit, to allow her to LEGALLY (I have major issues with illegal immigration, in case you haven't noticed) keep working and driving. My wife applies for her renewal on 1 November 2004, and CIS has to have it processed within 90 days. About 2 weeks later we get a notice to have her come down for fingerprinting for the renewal application (not quite sure why they need to have multiple copies of her fingerprints, but we'll play the game if it gets shit done). So she goes down there on 18 or 19 November 2004, and is told that she should have the new work permit WITHIN 60 days. We're hoping sooner based on the first one, but even in mid-January is okay, since it will come in a week or two before the original expires.
Well, 19 January comes and goes, and we're still waiting. So, after a few more days, I decide to call the National Customer Service center to find out what is going on. The nice guy on the other end of the phone informs me that her application was received 1 November 2004 (no shit, I was there when we applied...I kinda remember the timeline). He then informs me that the National Benefits Center is currently processing applications received on 14 October 2004. That means that they won't even begin to process ours for probably another week or two. Meanwhile, my wife's work permit expires in less than a week. So here's how the rest of the conversation generally went:
Me: "So what happens now? What about her job?"
CIS Guy: "Well, she cannot legally work in the country without a valid work permit."
Me: "So, due to the fact that your agency failed to meet its timelines, my family will face a financial hardship? I mean, my wife has to quit her job because your agency failed to do its job in a timely manner?"
CIS Guy: "Well, it is supposed to be completed in 90 days. If it is not, you can go in person to a local office in Fairfax, Virginia, and they will issue a temporary permit until the new one comes in. You need to contact the local office and make an appointment to do this. You will need to take proof of her application for permanent residency, proof of current valid permit, proof of application for renewal, and new application form for the work permit. You won't have to pay the application fee again though." (LUCKY ME!! YOUR AGENCY HAS FUCKED MY WIFE'S CAREER UP, AND I DON'T HAVE TO PAY THE APPLICATION FEE AGAIN! THANKS!!)
Me: "Okay, so since her driver's license also expires when the work permit does, that means that I'll now have to take a day off of work as well to take her to the local office, since she won't be able to LEGALLY drive there on her own. So now your agency is responsible for not only costing my family my wife's wages, but now a day of my wages as well."
CIS Guy: "Sir, you can simply make an appointment and go down to the office and they'll grant you a same day temporary permit. That is all I can recommend to you."
Me: "Okay, so if I have to go through all of this crap, who can I write to, in order to explain my extreme displease at your agency's ability to perform to it's own standards?"
CIS Guy: "You can send it to the National Benefits Center...yada yada yada address.....etc. etc."
Me: "Thanks." for nothing you ass-clowns...
Now, to make matters even better.... I inform my wife of the great news, and she promptly contacts the local Fairfax, VA office to make that appointment....only...oh yeah, they only make appointments 2 weeks out, and they are always booked. It's like trying to make a freakin' dental appointment at the Cp. Humphreys hospital....good fucking luck.
Now, I'm a HUGE fan of accountability and responsibility. If we had waited until the last minute to try to process this crap, I'd be kicking myself in the ass, thinking how much of an idiot I am. But, we even tried to be proactive on this thing, and tried to start the process in September, but were told that we couldn't apply until 90 days out. If the damn CIS can't get their paperwork done in time, then they should extend the timeline, to ensure that they meet their deadlines. As it stands, my wife is either going to A) be ass out of a job and driving privileges for a few weeks at least, and we'll be hurting to pay the bills, or 
she works and drives illegally and risks getting caught, going to jail, and/or being deported... all because the ass-clowns at CIS can't get their shit together. Keep in mind that we pay for this dis-service with our taxes no less. So essentially, this "company" has charged me a service fee (my taxes), several processing fees (the actual application and processing fees we paid on top of what we pay in taxes to fund this agency), and then they fail to do the job, which will now cost me even more money in lost wages. Hey, THANKS overbloated, ineffecient, bureaucratic government agency. I have an idea, I think I'll vote Democrat in the future so we can contribute to your growth and decline in service!!
What really chaps my ass about all of this, is that we are TRULY trying to do this the right way. To obey the laws of the United States. To not cut any corners. The result....? THEY FUCK YOU IN THE DRIVE THRU!!! And the glory of it all? I have no recourse to correct the problem. I just get to sit here and bitch about it.....what a great way to run a government.